Meme-oh-graphics and Meme Mentos

Stuff I’ve collected during my long dark journey of the psyche these last many taciturn months. I will reveal some of my top secret adventures in due course. Meanwhile, some stuff …

Late 2019 and into 2020 death seemed all around us and especially close by. Late 2021 into this year has been something of a sequel. Plus pandemic season 3. (Series 3 for you Brit types?) What to do?! Before, I’ve had things to do and energy with which to do them. But this time, I shut down. It’s not easy finding a new starter for a 59 year old model!

I have rhupus hands! Woohoo! When lupus affects the hands as does rheumatoid arthritis. (No, I did not buy this product.)
At times I still can’t believe how much Nixon administration we retained through Reagan, Bush I, Bush II, Trump. Or more accurately, always there in the shadows, maneuvering, dealing, etc?
Voicemail transcription reads, in part, “Yes, … this is Kathy with the brownie OK honey fear of elections”
What Kathy said was, “Bernalillo [burn-a-Leo] County Bureau of Elections” 😂 Sooo… is my voicemail transcription service racist, still unable to familiarize itself with the Spanish words of my county and my therapist’s office? Gotta say, “brownie OK honey fear of elections” is surreal comedy gold!

Much of the best parts of our fabulous state of New Mexico is ablaze this month of May. None of the fires are truly near us in Albuquerque, but I feel the devastation all the same.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Because it’s their time to shine, to get going, do their thing. Right there in the name. They’ve been waiting, the tough have. Laid in supplies. Got the proper tires, presumably. Meanwhile, the tender can just take a break — yes?!

Moon in pale golden light about 2/3 risen over gently sloped hillside, silhouetting desert scrub
March’s Worm Moon rising over the Sandia Mountains. Aka Sleepy Moon, Moon of the Winds, Chaste Moon, Windy Moon and in Southern Hemisphere, Harvest Moon, Corn Moon. Photo by Jeff Hartzer.

Fun and Games with Transcription and Closed Captioning

I really like both my voicemail transcription service and closed captioning (and subtitles) for a number of reasons. But the errors are sometimes quite … amusing, shall we say. Mistakes are in bold and correction in parentheses. Comments in italics.

Hi Debra it is Mona with confusion … (Infusion)

Hi Debra it is Mom with infusion … (Mona)

Put those first two together and that’s our relationship the last couple years of her life.

Hello this is Boss Kane mental health … (Bosque – pronounced boss-kay)

So, security answer = Rosebud?

Hi Debra this is Naomi calling from project with office … (Pacheco’s)

Ok, so my transcription AI is maybe just a little bit racist?

Andrew seven digit call back code is 347-15 to 6 Inc. you goodbye (And your) (3471526) (Thank you)

This took more brain power to work out than I care to admit!

… can connect you to a trained and Roman specialist who can help find a plan that your knees… (enrollment) (that fits your needs)

That last one may be my favorite so far. It is quite possible my knees do, in fact, require a “trained and Roman” specialist!

Stephen Colbert show captioning on YouTube app: “You’re all sharing the same spats and the same air” (space)

Trevor Noah show captioning on YouTube app: “We’re a mosque” (Wear a mask.) Really?!

Amber Ruffin show captioning on Peacock app: “… but because of KROOIFRSZ I’m not allowed to have an audience” (coronavirus) Seriously!?!

Seriously! I paused and took a screenshot to be sure to get the spelling right. Ms. Ruffin did not slur that word — no how, no way. No way, no how.

Young panda cub lies belly down on table , looking at camera/viewer
I did not keep that Amber Ruffin captioning screenshot, because I need to save space for important mental health supporting images such as the panda cub cuteness, provided courtesy of the Smithsonian National Zoo!
Young panda cub, lying belly down on table, seen from the back. See soles of hind paws and round, fluffy butt.
The end!

Excuses, Excuses … Ex-Cue-Says … X Q Sez!

I have not posted anything — nope, not a damn thing — in 3 months. Here are all the WHYs, in no particular order:

  • Doubt
  • Depression
  • Thanksgiving tradition of a visit from my Big Bad Wolf, annual flare of autoimmune disease activity that dwarfs the others, leading me to deny my distress and need for help during those lesser flares, but also …
  • Prednisone is a hell of a drug!
  • Fatigue
  • Brain fog
  • Broken tooth
  • The shiva of “Auntie” I
  • Pandemic everything
  • Perfectionism
  • Publishing is the problem. There, I said it. Not writing. Not editing. Finishing. Committing to transferring to this platform — in some cases to typing or {gulp} dictating first — and then I have to end it. Stop myself from writing about the next connection and the next my mind makes. Or discovers. Is it important to distinguish between the two? Is one better than the other? Ha! Define “better.”
  • Doubt
  • Fuhteegue!
  • Say it. I mean, write it. Do it. Own it!
  • Pain
  • Foggy brain
  • PTSD
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Ole Friend variant
  • Another broken tooth
  • I almost got through 2020 without going to the ER.* But that’s where I spent 6 hours of Christmas morning. Viral gastroenteritis, turns out. Great news that I didn’t have a certain respiratory virus, but {sigh} I could have been treated better. Trying to follow up with troubling test results, but …
  • New medical insurance
  • It’s not “prior authorization” — it’s authorization! You either do it with or without authorization. I have enough trouble with time as it is!
  • Ok, I have to dedicate more of my loving-kindness meditation to the insurance industry. Obviously.
  • Doubt
  • Insurrection Coup Riot totally predictable yet also incredible thing
  • T died suddenly
  • MuthaFuhteegue!
  • I can’t post anything else, until I publish part 3 of Collaborating with My Wolf. And I can’t post that until I finish it. Which I very nearly have. Except that’s only true of the longer version. I could publish the shorter one right now. Except I haven’t been able to do that for over 5 weeks. The other version keeps pulling me toward disclosing my abuse history, or at least part of it, and I don’t know if it’s ok to disclose part and not all at once and that last thought reads as super odd as it feels, but I’ve kept all these secrets for so long, because I’m a good girl, and I don’t know how to spill them without confirming that I am the terrible person that I have secretly thought myself to be most of my life.
  • It might be ok to publish a post or two while working on part 3. I just can’t make the official launch until I finish and publish part 3.
  • I now have 4 other posts in Drafts.
  • Deleted the poetry posts. Formatting disaster. Category 4. Will try again. Promise.
  • Anxiety. Is that fear + doubt? Feubt? Looks German or French; however, I don’t believe it is either. I could be wrong.
  • The consistency of split pea soup, it comes on little cat feet and causes my brain to lose track of all the usual routes in its atlas. Wow. Metaphor-maggedon!
  • Pandemic burnout
  • Lupus burnout
  • I just don’t feel good burnout
  • Despite my best motivational speeches, neither the dishes nor the laundry will “do” themselves!
  • And now … taxes!
Black wolf-like dog with white fur outlining his muzzle, lies asleep in a tight curl. Watercolor effect to photo
The marvelous schipperke Duke at rest

*Yes, really, it is the Emergency Department — not Room. I do know that. The issue is that nowadays “ED” is most often used for “erectile dysfunction” and most everyone in the US still understands “ER” basically means the same thing as Emergency Department. So, yeah, I am part of the problem.